This past weekend I was lucky enough to be invited to Twisted Monk's 40th birthday bash and Abbey party and what a party it was. It had an 80's theme and the costumes ranged from George Michael to Devo to Adam Ant (Monk himself) to all variations of Madonna, with Mistress Matisse dressed 'Like a Virgin' - check out her Twitter feed for a picture; in my opinion the costume of the night, but I've always had a thing for Madonna. At one point as I was sipping a blissfully tasteful glass of Stagg, I looked around the room and saw....try and stay with me....Max single tailing one of his partner's L, as G, one of L's partners, watched. Next to G were Monk and Matisse, Max's partner, with arms intertwined enjoying the show, as Monk's wife was engaged in a conversation with a group of people nearby. On the other side of the room, were 2 of A's partners (all in all there were 4 of us in the room) having a conversation and as I stood there watching everyone thoroughly enjoying themselves all I could think was how great it was to be poly.
Everyone was smiling and having a fantastic time, no animosity, no drama; just a bunch of people that truly cared for one another enjoying themselves and the fact that their partners were having fun, no matter who that was with. That's the true essence of compersion, defined as a state of empathetic happiness and joy experienced when an individual's romantic partner experiences happiness and joy through an outside source, including, but not limited to, another romantic interest. This can be experienced as any form of erotic or emotional empathy, depending on the person experiencing the emotion (Wikipedia). Do I think I'm more evolved than people who can't grasp this feeling? No, of course not. I can remember a time when I would get jealous of J having a conversation with another guy. Yes it took a while for me to change and be able to appreciate that another person could add something to her life and in doing so increase her happiness. I also realized that J wanted to be with me and if she didn't then she wouldn't, which was key to me understanding that I no longer had to fear losing her in that way, which reduced and eventually eliminated my feelings of jealousy.
To me poly is the ability to have your own and your partner's happiness enhanced by other people. Can that happen non-romantically? Of course it can, but there is a certain intimacy that can only be found through a more romantic relationship with someone and I've found that this allows that happiness to grow even further. When I can see the joy that A has in the fact that she will soon be collared, how can I not be happy for her? Luckily her dominant doesn't want the collaring to affect her other relationships, but even if it did, the joy she projects would be worth it. I want people that I care about to be happy, with or without me in their lives.
Will I always be poly? I don't know, I can't predict who I'll meet or where their beliefs will fall, but I see being open as being open to all types of relationships. The one thing I do know, is that given what I've seen and experienced it would take a very special person to make me want to be 100% monogamous again.
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