CellarDoor

"This famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history, that Cellar Door is the most beautiful. "

Watched a movie with the same girl I had drinks with last night and since I may see her again, let's call her C. Now other than being completely opposite of my type and that she talked during probably my favourite and most important movie; she's a very fun girl. Being with her finally made me see what J felt our relationship had been lacking, passion, and passion cannot be forced. Our sex life had become too routine, too forced. When she left me, it had become mechanical almost. I can understand why what she had with Z was and is so fun and exciting. It was what we once had, and tonight was the first time in a long time that I remembered what we had and how it happened.

I did what I always meant to do with J, control the situation, but with J I always fell short due to fear that it wasn't going to work. I forgot how to read her, forgot how to spend time understanding her moans and sighs....trying too hard to get to the act of sex and when something didn't work I got frustrated. Sex and foreplay is supposed to be fun, not serious, with breaks to talk or laugh or get a drink of water (as needed) I can now see, or at least begin to see where I was at fault and why we weren't clicking. I guess J knew what she was talking about.....why do I ever question?

As I grow alone I think my understanding of this will grow also, so that if there ever is a chance for J and I again, I will understand what she needs and wants and I will be able to give it to her or anyone else for that matter.