Apologizes...

I've been a bad blogger...I've been meaning to write Got Rope Day 2 all week, but have just been so busy with work and other things that I haven't had the chance to finish my story and today I'm off to Seattle again this time for the Seattle Erotic Art Festival, which I hope will be very fun and entertaining (I just wish I wasn't going alone again...I really enjoy looking at art, especially erotic art, with someone); so I'll have lots to catch up on when I return. Until then I'll leave you with what a sleep sac is. Here's a picture and description here; also I found this video of it being used, although for the class purposes its usage also involved being fully suspended while inside of it.

Got Rope? - Day 1

With the nervous anticipation of class killing me I got to the Center a little too early; pulling up I saw I wasn't the only one. 3 couples were huddled in their cars avoiding the chilly Seattle morning, my energy didn't afford me that luxury so off walking I went.

Heading through the entrance 10 minutes later, I noticed that not much had changed since I was there in October, a large open space with chairs facing one corner around a ring attached to a 'biner hung from hemp attached to another 'biner secured to a hard point in the ceiling. After registering and purchasing my 'biner kit I found a seat at the end of the 2nd row. As the 20 of us settled in, we made introductions; including me there were 4 singles and we were encouraged to take notice of each other to find a partner for the workshop. Front row there was a cute, curly haired girl (the only female single) who I made eye contact with giving her a little nod signaling she was going to be my partner, which was good because not 5 minutes later one of the other singles was politely declined when asking her to partner up.

Eventually we split up to practice the Karada body harness, with what was supposed to be a pre-knotted 30-ft piece of rope, but of course in trying to be smart, I spent part of the morning lecture undoing the knots in my 30-ft piece of rope....and then had to put them back in time for practice. After splitting up I think the first question my practice partner asked me was: Clothes on or off? Me being out of the rope game for a while figured that clothes should stay on at least until we developed a little comfort level.....the clothes didn't last long though......I found out my partner's name was A and we both identified as switchy, me with a tendency to top and her with a tendency to bottom; a great team. After another lecture we practiced the boola boola, taut line hitch, square knot...all building blocks needed for partial and full suspension. We had a little time to kill so I looked around and decided I'd tie her to a chair using the boola boola.
Me: Go sit in that chair.
A: No, please?
Me: Nope
A: Interesting. You can tell a lot by a person by the way they ask you to do something
I'd never thought of it like that but I guess you can; so my tendencies for instructions were purposefully dominant.

Then came lunch. A and I had a chance to chat and get to know one another, she said she was staying with a partner in town, as she was also from out of town and I talked about being poly and my interest and experience in rope. I also found out that she was being trained privately by Max on occasion and only began learning about top recently. Around this time Monk came back and dropped off his rope kit for me to use, which pleased both A and I, because we are both very familiar with Monk and his rope....amazingly A even bought, treated and dyed her own raw hemp that she was using, which I must admit was very impressive.

After lunch, everyone got naked, or nearly naked; everyone at least kept their underwear on, but pants, socks, shirts, and bras were discarded pretty much for the rest of the class. It's strange how non-sexual nudity becomes when you're focusing on tying someone up; no one's leering it's all about the process of rope.....amazing atmosphere. Parallel lashing and chest harness in prep for the hog-tie were up next.

I hog-tied A first. Chest harness with arms pinned behind her back....ankles bound via parallel lashing....finished with a taut line hitch to make the back arch until her gasp and restricted mobility made me tie it off.....I still only met her half a day ago and didn't want to be that mean.....yet. When she finished binding me, she didn't quite have the strength to get me into a great arch.....I'm 6'4"/215 and she's 5'5"/110 so it's understandable.....luckily for her (and unluckily for me) one Max's helpers, Griffin, was nearby to put his boot on my ass and give a yank and yes that provided quite the arch.....although I think I had a little bit more to go. By this point I had an audience, I guess we were one of the last group's to finish so Griffin was showing a couple of different ways how a smaller person could handle a bigger one in this position. During the exhibition, I felt a hand on my thigh and even though I wasn't entirely uncomfortable in the position it was unbelievably comforting. I knew it was A's making sure I knew she was present and checking in; it's amazing the kind of connection that can be developed over the course of 6 hours when you're tying someone up.

Near the end of the first day, Lorelei (Max's other assistant and one of his girl's) did an amazing head bondage scene with one of students.....all I can say is WOW. It was one of the most intense things I've ever experienced.....the whole room was hushed and it felt like a weight had fallen over us all. At one point someone came in the back door and left immediately (A later point out that the individual felt the energy and left because she wasn't a part of it). The whole scene only lasted 5-10 mins but to me it felt like it went on for 20-30 minutes. By the time it was over I was breathless; probably one of the most amazing feelings I've ever had....the power of it left me speechless, words cannot describe it.

As the first day came to an end and I was helping with some clean-up, A and I were talking and she asked to sit with me the next day to make sure that we could continue our connection; definitely a good idea as we were moving on to partial and full suspension. As I was one of the last to leave, Griffin came to me and asked if I'd be willing to volunteer, I accepted immediately; which impressed him because he hadn't told me what yet. Didn't really matter to me, I'm there to learn right.....he told me to show up earlier so they could get me put into a sleep sack.....luckily at the time I had no idea what that was.....I did on Day 2.....

Lessons

I'm off to Seattle for Max's 2-Day Intensive Rope Bondage Class for which I had a 275 foot rope order from Twistetmonk.com, which of course is stuck in Canadian Customs and has no chance of getting to me before I leave for class in about an hour. Luckily, J and Monk came to my rescue....after much prodding from J, I called the Abbey yesterday, leaving a message explaining the situation. An hour later I get a call with an apology and an offer from Monk himself to lend me his personal rope kit!!! Needless to say I accepted, thinking of where the rope's been, who it's bound, it's history. I feel like I should bring him a present or something...maybe a Top Pot doughnut? Just another reason I love this guy...Thanks Monk!! Now to fight the traffic....

Love

What is love? It's the most powerful of emotions that can be the best feeling in the world but also the worst. The worst was perfectly described in a post in the Philosophy of Non-Monogamy. A lot of the time I feel like this...that I hate love; it surprises you when you least expect and rips itself away when you feel it the strongest. If you've given a piece of yourself to someone, can you ever get it back? I don't think you can, that piece of you is theirs and will always be theirs, no matter what. It's a comfort thinking of it in this way, it means that particular love will always be there...will always be a part of you. And love can make you soar, it can make you do things that you never would've done and can make everything fall away so that all that's left is love. Why, then, isn't love enough? If it can fill you up and make everything else seem so trivial, then why not? Because at any moment it has the ability to destroy you. Love is like balancing the center of a teeter totter, where at any moment it can make you alive or destroy you. That's the trade-off to the most powerful of emotions: bliss or purgatory...you have no control over either and that's why I hate love and never want to love again....but the choice is not mine; it never was and never will be.

My Inner Sadist

I've been missing my inner sadist, and masochist for that matter. I've been reading some new blogs that have had to do with people exploring control....pain....BDSM....and they've brought back memories; making me miss what J and I used to do. The feeling of her teeth sinking into my flesh, so hard I know she couldn't bite much harder...neck, chest, ears, neck, shoulder...did I mention neck? My favourite spot. The exhilaration that you'd feel as incisors sank in and the marks that would be there the next day; I loved the marks, a lovely reminder of what transpired.....I've never thought about why it makes me feel so good; I'm not sure if it's something that needs to be understood, just enjoyed. And then there's spanking....I don't enjoy being spanked but holding someone down and spanking as they squirm under your every strike....hitting the sweet spot where the bottom of the cheek meets thigh.......the little gasps as skin connects with skin. I prefer skin-to-skin contact myself, but paddles and pervertibles are always fun. I remember buying a plastic covered metal spatula from Ikea...boy did that pack a punch; I bought it expressly due to the fact that it would be a fun pervertible.

I've found it difficult to find people interested in such activities in my city; I find you need to develop a certain level of trust with someone before you can spank them properly or tie them up. I'm probably looking in the wrong places or maybe I just have to see what I can bring out of people. As I continue to become comfortable with being single again, I'm sure I'll develop a feel for it...until then I'll have to settle for memories and the occasional Seattle trip for a bondage seminar...sooo looking forward to this weekend.

Poly: A Beginning Part 1

Last night I was out for drinks with a friend I hadn't seen since high school; so naturally we had a lot to catch up on....work, life, relationships....last year she got out of a 12-year relationship and since she said she has started to question monogamy but never thought that she could do it because she'd get too jealous. So as I shared the whys, whens and hows of my non-monogomous life I realized that I feel there really is a right and a wrong way to get into it.

Wrongs:
jump headfirst into it without evaluating how it's going to affect your existing relationship, doing it to fix something in your relationship, or as I read today in the Philosophy of Non-Monogamy getting pushed into it by one partner.

One right way:
While I'm no expert I definitely think J and I went about it logically. Our trip down the road of non-monogamy started at the annual Taboo sex show just over 2 years ago. We'd always attended these together and this year came across a book, the Threesome Handbook, which J bought for us. Reading it began the discussion of sleeping with others, first looking for a threesome partner, then a couple, and finally being open. We were aware of open relationships before but had never really discussed anything along those lines. A couple of months later, while I was in Vegas, I had an extended conversation with a stripper that felt like a connection; now it was with a stripper so it wasn't a true connection but it reminded me about what it was like to meet someone new and have that spark, or new relationship energy as its called by some; which brought further conversation between J and I.

You have to understand that at this point in our relationship we were having some issues, but we still felt like we were going to be together forever (or at least I did) and my Vegas experience made me wonder if we were missing out on something. We started dating when J was 19 and I was 24 and while we had had some life experiences prior to getting together we were really still new to many things and if we were going to be together forever, were we going to miss out on things? Of course!! So we decided to see if we could figure out a way to enjoy certain aspects of life and sexuality while maintaining what we had. So we began reading and researching.......a lot. A couple of books that really helped shape our beliefs were Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationship and The Ethical Slut. Blogs also helped, namely Mistress Matisse and Twisted Monk, which eventually enhanced our interest and experimentation in BDSM. We also started searching for play partners on AdultFriendFinder.

Over the next 6 months we developed an understanding and comfort level with non-monogamy. One day in particular sticks out....we were on a ferry on our way to J's mom's wedding and were sitting on the top deck with Opening Up reading through a checklist they had about what we were and weren't comfortable with (reminds me where we were for her mom's wedding and makes me sad, as they were building a cabin that was only recently finished; J and I had discussed going up there; something I just realized I will never be able to do). This helped form our initial guidelines for playing with others and eventually led to going on a couple of couple dates and playing with one couple. Unfortunately, after that life got in the way and we spent the next 8 months not really being active in any sort of activities outside of our own relationship. Not that we didn't want to, we just had too much on our plate at the time. I sometimes wonder where we'd be if we had continued to pursue it and make time for it then....would we be where we are now?

I think our step-by-step process really helped us develop a comfort level with non-monogamy; although I think we moved too slowly and never let any momentum we built up continue. I think our research and discussion really helped us become comfortable with it but our lack of experimentation stifled our progress as a couple. It took one of us taking that leap of faith to bring us to the next level.....which will be Part 2. I'm not sure yet how to discuss Part 2 as it was very emotional for me....I'm not saying I would do things differently if I had the chance to do them again, but I would've handled it differently. Nevertheless I need more time to organize my thoughts on this, once I do I'll finish our story.

Random Musings

I did some reading, watched a movie and listened to some podcasts while on business in Mexico and came across words that struck me:

Brutal simplicity
Art serving capitalism
Do not feed the creatives
Fail Harder
When was the last time you felt this passionate about anything
The people that are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do
Chin dripping peaches
Fear is a powerful depressant
Creativity can solve anything
Why would you not want to love as many people as you can?

On the plane, I was reading Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged while listening to Ludovico Einaudi's Primavera, which gave me an incredible sense of beauty. Individually these two works can make you soar, together they're indescribable. They gave me a sense that I'm supposed to be doing something different with my life; that my life should be more meaningful than what it currently is. Almost like some part of me is missing and is waiting to be discovered. Engrossed in these works I was overcome with emotion, feeling like my heart was going to burst. Occasionally when something beautiful strikes me I'll get this feeling knowing that I can't control or contain it. I don't know if others feel this way, but it's what makes me feel that I want to give this feeling to others; I know I have the potential to do so, I just know not the means. I equate it to how Ayn Rand describes love, also making me crave it all the more, she says that love has to be earned and that you have to be worthy of someone's love and until you earn it you cannot achieve it; it will only be found once earned. Do I feel this way about love? Yes, but also about my unrestrained emotion...like I have to earn the ability to give people this feeling that erupts within.

Away

I'll be away for a couple of days. I'm off to Mexico City for work and won't be returning until Thursday. My laptop will not be accompanying me on my trip as I've been told that Mexico City has some crime issues....so I will not be posting. For those of you who follow regularly I will be back writing at the end of the week. Have a great week and do something that you've never done before...challenge yourself!! It's fun and I can guarantee you won't regret it...and if you do, I'd love to hear about it. See you soon!

Comfort

No matter what happens, it's amazing how comfortable you can be with someone. I had coffee and watched some TV with J tonight and at times it felt like 6 months ago; which is both good and bad. Good because I love her company more than anyone I know and bad because when you become too comfortable with someone there's no mystery. Watching TV with butterflies in my stomach; I couldn't help thinking about all of the things I wanted to tell her....wishing that we were lying in bed with my arms wrapped around her, caressing her back and baring our souls; but at the same time knowing that it could never be like that, at least not now....maybe never again. At times I could sense that she felt this too, or at least a part of it. I know we're not in a place where we can share everything with each other....from what we did during the day....to who we've been out with....to what has gone on behind closed doors; we will ever again? I'm pretty sure right now neither of us would be able to handle the truth, but I hope we will again...I see it like baby steps, you have to crawl before you walk; walk before you can run; run before you sprint; I always want to skip to the sprint...but that's not often how life works......Life is all about the process.

The World of Social Media

I attended a social networking conference called F5 yesterday and while it was interesting and there were some good round table discussions, my purpose of going was to see the key-note speaker, Malcolm Gladwell. If you haven't heard of him he's written 4 books: Blink, Tipping Point, Outliers, and What the Dog Saw and also writes a regular column in the New Yorker. I find the most intriguing thing about the way he writes is that he always make you think; makes you look at the world around you and question something. Personally, I love playing the Devil's Advocate but I don't have anywhere near the talent Gladwell has. And as the key-note speaker at F5 he didn't disappoint.

Given that it was a social media conference, you'd assume that Gladwell would be speaking about the topic and you'd be right, however he talked about the cost of social media. His premise was that whenever we develop a new technology that has the potential to galvanize people we celebrate its benefits to the detriment of its costs. Inventions like the telegraph, telephone, radio and internet have taken away from our ability to interact with people on a personal level; where 50 years ago we used to have a close network of people that included our families and neighbourhood; today this network has been reduced to our family. And while twitter, facebook, and foursquare are great vehicles to get people talking they rarely turn those discussions into something that can make change.

His reasoning was that social media creates acquaintances, not friends.....creates weak ties, not strong ones...he used Obama as an example. 3 years ago no one would've given him any chance to become president, but because of his use of the internet for fundraising and getting his message out there, he propelled himself into the presidency like no other person in history; however a year after he became President he had one of the lowest approval ratings ever after his first year in office, why? Because the ties he created were weak ones that were easily broken.

Trust is such an integral part of the change, you have to trust the person you're working with and that trust can rarely be fostered at a distance, you have to know who that person is and know them in order to trust them. Think about it....if you really needed someone, how many people would stick by you? 4....5....6....maybe; and how many 'friends' on facebook do you have? Sure those 5, but probably 400-500 more. Social media gives you the ability to exercise your freedom of expression, without any of the consequences; however this sacrifices trust. It's incredibly hard to trust someone that you haven't met.

Gladwell wasn't advocating against social media, rather trying to point out its faults that are ignored due to its benefits and currently popularity. The social media platform can be used to begin revolutions....political, environmental, sexual, spiritual....however it alone cannot lead to them. Why do you think the Green Revolution in Iran failed? Social media brought people together because that group quickly fell apart because of weak ties, a lack of accountability, and trust Once a certain point is reached you have to go outside of the medium and actively get involved and not sacrifice the freedom of action for the freedom of expression as occurs so frequently.

The Art of Twisted Monk

I love this man......in a strictly platonic way, of course.....makes me want to practice, practice, practice.....enjoy

Twisted Monk at Art of Restraint 3/27 from Twisted Monk on Vimeo.

Nights

I've noticed recently that if I'm not out with someone all night, rather end up at home or alone by the time 10pm rolls around; I have a desire to drink. No, I don't consider myself an alcoholic, nor to I drink to excess on weekdays....occasionally it happens on weekends....but I have found myself drinking at least a bottle of wine (or equivalent) 5 nights a week. I am feeling better about J and I these days, as we've been talking as if friends (which I miss immensely), so I can't attribute it to that.....but I have been having problems sleeping if I haven't been drinking; which I don't think is all that good, but I think the fact that I'm aware of it is a step in the right direction and if I can make sure to be cognizant of this, hopefully I can adequately monitor it.

In other news, after the Spearhead concert (not John Mayer) the girl I took, I'll call her B, and I had a conversation that ended up getting into relationships. So I told her that I had been in an open relationship and her reaction was like none I've ever encountered....."My whole perspective of you has changed......" she said. She didn't give a reason as to why her perspective had changed, although we had only been out twice before so I'm not sure exactly how solidified her perspective of me could be. It may have had something to do with the fact that her and her ex, of 2 and a half years, had discussed getting into an open relationship because they had been having problems, which is absolutely the worst reason to get into one. In my opinion this would be called 'seeing other people' and not an open relationship, which occurs when 2 people love and cherish each other and see an open relationship as a way to enhance what they have and NOT to see if there's something better; at least that's the way J and I approached it after much research. In any event, I discussed how I entered into an open relationship and said while I believe in them that doesn't mean I exclude everything else; nevertheless she left quite quickly; however, over the next couple of days she continued to talk to me because I "intrigued her." In discussing this with a good friend, he said that women seem to overuse the word "intrigue" as a replacement for them being turned on, or in his words 'horny', in order to not seem slutty or too eager......I'd wondered why I'd been told this on a couple of occasions, not that I buy into his logic, but it's interesting to consider....I thought it was just because I'm very different than most people, but maybe I'm wrong, only time will tell.

Bar Discussions

You know you're out late when you're walking home and the late night pizza places have already closed. Last night was one of those night and as I was walking home I was thinking about a saying from an episode of How I Met Your Mother, "Nothing good ever happens after 2am..." But I've found recently that I get into some very interesting late night conversations with completely random people after 2am....mix a lot of liquor with a lack of sleep and you get reduced inhibitions and potentially entertaining conversations. I was at a friend's bar after it closed and between cleaning, organizing, and breaking glassware (we purposely shattered at least 6 empty beer and vodka bottles on the floor...because....well....the owner said he had janitors) I had an interesting conversation about blogs, bondage, hemp and polyamory with a girl that I just met who was the sister of one of the bartenders and consequently used to work at the bar.

I'm never quite sure how these conversations start, just that they do, and that I typically start them; usually they're short-lived as the other participant is scared of the topic, but not last night. I vaguely remember talking to...let's call her G......about Monk's blog and hemp. I told her about Max's classes and how I attended one in the fall and was off at the end of April to attend another. She said she thought a lot of people were allergic to hemp, which I'm actually not too sure about, but cited it's strength and smell as it advantages in bondage and mentioned that silk and bamboo rope is also quite lovely to play with. I commented that it's not always about sex, rather it can just be about the mental aspect of being bound, which she had heard from her friend that practiced bondage. She also knew about it as an art form and the beauty of knots, which I've found to be very rare for someone living in Vancouver. G said she'd always been curious but had never been bound herself (yes I know this is the time that I should've said...well if you ever want to try....but it was 4am and my brain wasn't working that fast as I was on 4 hrs of sleep being up til 5 the previous night as well; so that will be a story for another time.....). Her curiosity was demonstrated as the owner was locking the side doors with cable which she grabbed and began winding it around my neck then my wrist....didn't know what she was doing but message received.

I also talked about the relationship between Max, Monk, and Matisse and how I learned about open relationships; but before I could get too into the discussion, she pipes up, "So you're polyamorous?" Colour me shocked! A lot of people I've talked to about open relationships, know of it as just that...open relationships. Usually when I use the word poly I get blank looks and have to explain, so I've stopped using the term in public; but G knew before I even had the chance to get there. The poly discussion didn't get very far, as the night was winding down, but that someone knows and uses the word poly in Vancouver is worth mentioning.

G told me that she should take me to a Work-less party, which I had never heard of, but she said had outrageous costumes, puppy piles, and a spanking booth......however googling it showed it to be a Canadian political party that has a mandate for such things as reducing the working day from 40 to 32 hours. Thinking this can't be what she was talking about I click on a party promo link on the website to find out that this Canadian political party DOES put on such a party....doesn't really look like something that would be up my alley, but I'd go just to experience a Canadian political party throwing a party like this. At 5 we were finally kicked out of the bar agreeing to further the discussion at a later date.....if I can remember where she said she worked.....so sometimes interesting (and not always bad) things do happen after 2am....

Franti v Mayer

Last night I was at a concert headlined by John Mayer, who funnily enough doesn't have one song that I could name, so why did I go to? I went because of the special guest, Michael Franti and his band Spearhead, a group that J introduced me to during the first month of our relationship. If you haven't heard anything of their's before, check this out, Say Hey (I Love you) - not my favourite song of theirs, but right now it's their most well known:



I'd seen Spearhead twice before, both at intimate venues, which made me wary of going to see him at an 18,000 seat hockey arena. And both times I had seen him had also been with J and I had bought these tickets for her to go with me, but given our situation I figured that we probably weren't ready to get together for an event like that yet. I prefer smaller venues for live music as the atmosphere is always much better; however Franti's a different type of performer. I've never seen anyone in a venue that big get so involved with the crowd. Spearhead played for an hour and Franti spent maybe 20 minutes of that time on stage. The rest of the time he was running through the crowd giving high fives....skipping down the aisles....playing his guitar in the crowd....and for his last song he brought 40 people up on stage to sing and dance with him. If it were played in a smaller venue the energy he created would've blown the roof off the place. All I can say about his performance is unbelievable!!! I really felt bad for John Mayer, because I didn't think there was any way that he was going to be able to compete with Franti's performance....and of course he didn't. If you ever get the chance to see Spearhead in concert, whatever the venue, run don't walk....he's always fantastic!!