Holding on

I came across an anonymous quote yesterday:

"I think part of the reason why we hold something so tight is that we fear something so great won't happen twice."

I think that this is so true. Life is a series events, relationships, and connections; but how often have you ever had one of them repeat itself? It happens rarely, if ever, so when you find something or someone amazing you never want to let that feeling go...so you hold it tighter hoping against hope to never lose it. Yesterday I was again overwhelmed by emotion while in savasana, only this time I was brought to tears; masked by the sweat of my just ended workout. The cause.....my apparent lack of connection with anything....the greatest connection I'll ever have seems to be slipping away and the more I try to hold on to it the more I lose it. I've always felt like I can find a solution for anything...but now that feeling is being replaced with a feeling that what I do, how I act doesn't matter...to anyone....so if you want to live for a greatness that doesn't matter; what's the point? What's the point of anything? I understand it's an incredibly lonely thought, which is why tears taint my cheeks. Tears of mourning for the loss of something so great that the thought of it never happening again fractures my heart and my soul. Trying to grapple with this is beginning to consume me, it's all I think about these days but no matter how much I think about it there's never an answer only a void.