Last night was the first night that I was really home by myself all night since J left....first time grocery shopping.....first time doing the laundry....washing the bed sheets. Needless to say it was a tough night, especially when most of the clothes in the laundry were her tank tops left clean in the basket. How do I cope? A bottle of Chianti and a new playlist that I listened to all last night and am continuing to do so this morning:
Oh! - Micky Green
Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
You Could be Happy - Snow Patrol
Make This go on Forever - Snow Patrol
Open Your Eyes - Snow Patrol
Chocolate - Snow Patrol
Run - Snow Patrol
Warning Sign - Coldplay
Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap
Reason Why - Rachael Yamagata
Mad World - Donnie Darko Soundtrack
So Here We Are - Bloc Party
To Be Alone with you - Sufjan Stevens
Family Tree - Dear Science
Falling Slowly - The Frames
I don't want our home to no longer smell like J, already walking into our 2nd bedroom that doubled as her study it smells musty like it hasn't been lived in. It lacks the sweet smell of Chloe that it once carried; how I miss its lingering scent in our home....miss the fragrance of her neck.....her smell. It's amazing what you miss when you have lost, things you never thought you'd miss or didn't even know were there. Every morning I wake up with sadness because I used to get a hug from J before I left for work, no matter what state of sleep she was in.....almost 5 years of unbroken morning hugs; that's hard to get over.
The firsts of everything are always the hardest to get through. Doesn't make it any easier though, does it?
ReplyDeleteThe pain your feeling is raw and true. Let your feelings be your muse, not a wall(even though the masocist in all us would love nothing more than to tempt you!) ;) Put pen to paper..in this case, a blog.
It's always easier sometimes to deal with things when one see's the good, bad, and the ugly in front of them. Forces them to look at things maybe they otherwise wouldn't have, IMO. As you know, somethings just are not meant for public consumption...that's were private journaling comes in! ;)
I would like to comment though on your playlist. I know I shouldn't be complimenting your choice of artists considering the circumstances of this particular post...but, great taste! lol
Happen to be a big Snow Patrol Fan. Check out The Reindeer Section if you haven't. It's the side project Gary Lightbody(lead singer of SP). I'm quite fond of the tracks You Are My Joy, Cartwheels, and Budapest.
Oh..stay away from those cancer sticks! lol The Chianti on the other hand.....! ;)
~Just A Girl
Thanks for the comments, I do try to let my feelings flow to the pages here, if for no other reason that to get them out of my brain. Its amazing how soothing it can be to write. Glad you like the playlist, I'll have to take a look at The Reindeer Section.
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