Kinky Ethics

A couple of weeks ago I attended a seminar on accounting ethics, now before you close your browser in terror at the thought of me actually discussing accounting ethics, never fear; I have none such intention. The seminar did, however get me thinking of how BDSM/poly ethics are applicable in the vanilla world, because ethics are ethics, no matter what you're doing.

One of the most important BDSM actions, or inactions as the case may be, is the lack of physical contact until you know someone well. How many times have you been to a club or a bar and been groped by someone you don't know while you're dancing? Standing at the bar? Walking to the bathroom? It's happened to me at least a dozen times, I can only imagine how many times its happened to the ladies out there. The complete opposite is true at a BDSM party, no one you don't know will grope you and people you do know will ask before they touch you in any fashion; you'd think this would be common sense, but apparently not.

Then there's negotiation, which occurs before most BDSM and poly relationships begin. Guidelines, ground rules, and limits need to be established before anything progresses, I agree it can take some of the suspense out of a relationship but wouldn't you rather know if a partner was allergic to latex or had an STI before you began a night of needles or oral sex? I would, so what if it's a little TMI before things get serious; you'll thank yourself for it later. Or how about whether or not you want to know if your partner slept with someone, who that someone was and what they did together? There's no such thing as a mind reader (at least as far as I know), so if you don't know this stuff up front, one of you is going to end up disappointed. I know I've had women I've dated tell me I'm too honest and it's tough for them to handle, but I'm glad I know that now instead of 5 years down the road, saves us both some time and disappointment!

BDSM and poly have made me more ethical than I was before I entered their respective communities; however the irony is that my lifestyle may be seen as detrimental and unethical to the vanilla accounting community I'm a member of. I know I would be prepared to give up said membership if it came down to a choice between my lifestyle or the membership, even though it took me 4 years to get. I'm not being dramatic either, the seminar instructor told a story about how he knew of a member who also owned a strip club, which was deemed detrimental to the membership (yes I know, it sounds like a cult); typically I would've argued til the cows came home, but at this point I had been in the seminar for 7 hours and just wanted to get home, besides I don't think anyone in the room would've agreed with me that the ownership of a strip club was NOT detrimental; sometimes the world just frustrates me. Needless to say, if I continue to be as open as I am about who I am there will be someone who will think it's detrimental to the membership and since I'm not planning on changing who I am....well.....a battle there will be, because one thing I won't do, is go down without proving a point a second time.