Guilt

Why do we feel guilt? For me, it's usually self-imposed, rarely do others make me feel guilty. Lately, however I've been feeling more and more guilt about being poly. My (for lack of a better word) primary partner, Marie, lives in a different city and although we see each other quite regularly it's not everyday and due to her new work schedule we're not communicating as much as we used to. As a result there's now a sense of guilt whenever I spend time with peach, not because I'm spending time with her, but because I feel like Marie needs me to be available to communicate with her seeing as we don't communicate as much as we used to.

Marie does not do anything to make me feel guilty, it's that I know she wishes I were available to communicate when she's available and I'm with peach it makes me feel guilty for being with her, like I said self-imposed guilt. I'm undecided on how to handle it. All it's doing is making me less inclined to spend time with peach when I know Marie is available to communicate and that's not fair to peach.

My relationship with each is very different. I'm very much in love with Marie and she is someone who I see myself living with sometime in the next year and we have similar relationship goals. Me and peach have a defined D/s relationship, she is submissive to me, but we don't have the same relationship goals. She very much wants to be someone's slave and enjoys the potential of a 24/7 D/s relationship with a Dominant, something I've never wanted. Marie and I are both very secure in our relationship and we have an amazingly strong connection, but yet I still feel guilty.

Marie is new to the poly lifestyle (I'm her first poly partner) and recently she's been struggling due to her feelings surrounding recently having casual sex with a friend; leading her to take 3 months to determine how she feels about poly. Another source of guilt may be the road I'm taking with peach; if Marie doesn't feel like she can be in a poly relationship, what then? Will I have just dragged peach along for the last few months? I also know that I'm not what peach wants, we don't have the same goals and while we both know this I have a feeling she lies to herself about it. I'm trying to mitigate this by pushing her into the BDSM community more, as I am also her first poly relationship and Dominant, so exposure is important for her.

The ironic thing about my guilt is that if I were to end it with peach and move at a slower pace with Marie from a poly perspective, instead of 'forcing' her into it, she'd feel guilty about me not being poly. It's a no-win situation; I feel that no matter what I do I'm fucked.

A friend of mine once said that poly relationships are like the Phd of relationships, not because we're better or smarter than monogamously inclined individuals but because it takes that much more work to have successful poly relationships and when they do work they are incredibly rewarding. Being able to be a part of someone you care about's growth is my favourite thing about poly. It's not about the sex, it's not about the play, it's about being a part of someone's life and potentially having a material impact on that life; that's what poly means to me.