Last week my submissive partner, peach, showed up an hour late to a date with me highly intoxicated. I knew as soon as I spoke to her on the phone I should've told her to go home. I had to verbally direct her to my condo, a place she's been on numerous occasions over the past 6 months, even though she was only 5 blocks away. It took 25 minutes to coax her in the right direction, something that should not be necessary given our D/s relationship. I should've gone with my gut feeling and not concerned myself with how she would react, she wasn't being disobedient per se rather she was not in any place to do a scene, let alone hold a conversation. My feeling towards her was/is utter disappointment, not in that she was late but that she had let herself get to that point with the knowledge she was to see me that evening.
Upon finally arriving, her usual submissiveness was non-existent. The food she had brought me was inedible after being tossed upside down in her bag, she split water all over my floor failing to clean it up, forgot to use 'Sir' the name she is supposed to call me...these were only a few of her indiscretions. It was obvious that she was in no place to be spending time with me, so I got her together and drove her home, much to her chagrin and indignation, as she tried to storm out, something she would typically never consider doing, no matter what the scenario. She said she wasn't THAT drunk and that I didn't need to drive her home, however I had no confidence in her ability to find her own way.
What really got to me during this ordeal and really the purpose of my writing is the numerous items that she discussed or babbled on about when I got her to her place and tried to get her out of my car, which took over 45 minutes. I feel that when people are drunk things that are usually thought about are vocalized, as the level of restraint usually shown is eliminated; I'm sure that many of you have witnessed the same thing in similar situations. These formerly hidden thoughts and feelings can sometimes be ignored, but I'm not sure if that's true in this case.
Through tears she said: her friends didn't understand our relationship and didn't like the way I treated her; I didn't care about her or didn't show it in a way that she wanted; that she didn't feel like herself around me and felt uncomfortable in her own skin; that her feeling of being uncomfortable was compounded because of how comfortable I was with everything; that she was afraid of having her submissiveness rejected because she wanted to be more submissive than what I was looking for; she wanted to potentially be a slave in the future, but knows that's not what I want; on two occasions that she thought the conversation in my car would be the last one we had and would be the end of our relationship as she knew it.....And then the next day she remembered none of it....
She doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't want to know what she said, and she's beside herself with grief over being that intoxicated in front of me. I don't know how I'm supposed to handle our relationship now. I know I can't go on as if nothing she said wasn't said, I'm a talker and I need to talk about things like this. But the flip side is I know that I can't handle the fallout from that discussion; I can't handle another 4 hour crying session from her, that we've gone through on more than one occasion; it won't resolve anything. Those thoughts and feelings of hers will continue to be there, continue to reside in her head and continue to affect our relationship. She's looking to me to help fix her through D/s and only she can fix herself, I can only help give her a little nudge along the way and I wonder if in this case that nudge is an end to her first D/s relationship......
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