What is a slut?

Last night as I was having dinner with a friend, S, I complimented her on being sexy; which she took very negatively. "Too many guys think I'm sexy," she said and that if she's perceived as sexy then she's seen as being a slut; men look at her in a different way and treat her accordingly. There always seems to be a lot said about women being slutty and it has a very negative connotation in most circles, but why? A slut is defined by dictionary.com as "A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous." But what about men? If I sleep with 50 women, should I not be considered a slut? Given the definition I'd be sexually promiscuous, so technically yes I should be a slut, but invariably we are not; rather we're seen as studly, virile people.

If a woman has slept with 50 or 5 people what is the difference? Should there be any? I don't think so. The only distinction I may make is that the woman who's been with 50 may be more sexually experienced that the one who's only slept with 5; but even that's inaccurate. I know some women who have been with only a few guys that are much more sexually experienced than ones that have been with many. How can that be possible? Because they've had the opportunity to develop their sexuality in a few longer term relationships and reach a level that someone who's had more casual encounters cannot reach.

For instance, if a woman enjoys vanilla sex 50 times with multiple partners, while the other enjoys BDSM with 5, who then is the slut? I know many guys who would have a problem making that distinction, they might even consider both of them sluts. In my view it's neither. Both are experiencing life in their own way and is that not the point of living? And even if someone perceives you as a slut, why should that be a bad thing?

Historically a good woman is seen as someone who stays home and looks after the family, leaving the man to do what he wants...just look at the TV show Mad Men set in the ad world of the 60s. But society has changed and this historical view is no longer the case, we've evolved to the point where a woman can do anything a man can; why then should she not enjoy the same perception that a man gets when it comes to her sexuality? I can't answer that, but I told S to enjoy being who she is and live life the way she wants to; who cares what someone thinks or says about you, being sexy should be a good thing. If you don't like the way someone's treating you, leave or tell them to fuck off. I know it takes a strong person to be able to have this faith in themselves, as we are constantly bombarded with trying to fall into a certain perception society has of us and until we can get out from under those shackles I fear that people will never be completely happy with who they are, instead looking to others for acceptance.

Given its negative connotations, I think the word slut shouldn't be used, at least not in the context that it is and certainly not as a derogatory remark. But alas, I think we are a long way off from that happening. I plan to do my part and educate as many as I can that the apparent power that this word has should not continue, hopefully you agree and do the same.