Who you are....

Do you ever wonder how many people in the world know you? I don't mean who you are when you hang out with your friends or family, but the actual person inside, behind who you try to be around other people. This has been a common theme running through my head the last couple of months, who actually knows me....I have a really close core group of friends, but I feel less and less like I have things in common with them. They aren't the first people I'd turn to if I wanted to talk about something or if I were home alone and wanted to head out for a pint. Why is that....have I grown out of them? While I consider them my best friends, I don't feel like they have ever known me.

Someone said to me today, that if your friends aren't the people you want to spend all of your time with, then they aren't really your best friends. To an extent I'd agree with that, but I think of best friends as people you'd drop everything for, which is what I'd do for each of these individuals. However, I don't want to spend time with them because I feel like I've grown away from them and all of their conversations are superficial to me as they aren't interested in the same things I am. I think it's also a male thing; not a lot of men want to sit down and have a heart to heart to get to know each other....what's on the surface is usually fine. I don't want to hang out with them because they aren't interested in talking about things that interest me (amongst themselves they have similar interests with me being the outlier) and I feel they have nothing to offer me in terms of growth. Now maybe that's selfish, but if I'm going to converse with someone about something I'm passionate about, I'd like them to be able to offer some sort of counter argument or point of view that I can learn from....and they can't.

So it brings me back to my initial question....how many people in the world actually know you? Who knows your deepest secrets.....who would you tell everything to....who do you seek advice from.....I think I have one....one person in the whole world who knows and gets me and that one person is the one person, who as of a week ago, I can't communicate with. It's funny how life works....I wonder if there will ever be another person who will know me....I guess I have to hope that someone will; but it's really in my hands isn't it? If I find a person who's worthy, am I willing to let them know me? I'm not sure if I am....