In this morning's Globe and Mail there's an article about a polyamory advocate who's looking for clarification as to whether the Canadian criminal code (section 293) that bans polygamy also extends to polyamorous relationships, read it here. Now without exploding over the fact that this is completely ridiculous (consent vs. non-consent) I'd rather examine how this could possibly be enforceable.
With polygamy it seems clear cut, there's an issue of consent that's breached. A man has multiple wives that act in a similar fashion to a harem and is based on a patriarchal system, whereby the woman's rights aren't always respected. While this sort of relationship can be completely consensual, the ones we always hear about are the ones that aren't; where a man controls his wives (a la the recent polygamy case in Bountiful, BC).
Polyamory on the other hand is usually consensual and may not even involve marriage. To the untrained observer polyamory could be nothing more than an individual dating more than one person, in most cases nothing's down on paper; so I can't see how (or why) this would be illegal. In the case of a marriage that is polyamorous and the couple are off with different partners, there may be something to enforce, however if neither of them is wishing to press charges and both of them are consenting to the situation, why would it be illegal? An added difficulty with polyamory is the definition of it, there is a general openness to the relationship, however in my experience almost every polyamorous relationship has it's own structure and it's rare to find one relationship that is the same as another one, given differing rules or lack there of. Due to the small amount of relationships that are polyamorous (and happily so, for the most part, they are relationships after all) I would fail to see the purpose of making it illegal, but then again I'm not a conservative political figure.
It poses a very interesting question and one that cannot be easily answered. I'm curious, however, as to why this polyamory advocate would bring the question into the legal realm unless there was a hint that it may fall under the same umbrella. This article also brought to my attention that there is a Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association, which I was not formerly aware of; also apparently there are 0.5% of people across Canada that participate in polyamory, that's a lot more than I would've expected. If you're interested I'm sure you can follow the discussion their website, I know I'll be looking for updates there; as polyamory is not typically mainstream news.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
As a follow-up to my post last week, I've discovered that Twitter seems to be a way for people to discover that I'm kinky. I keep my blog and twitter separate, using my name on my twitter feed and not here, however I do not discriminate what I talk about or who I communicate with via twitter as I've found it's a great way to keep in touch with some of my kinky friends. However, as individuals (particularly women) are want to do, they google you and low and behold at the top of my google search is my twitter feed. Now it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out I'm kinky with tweets like:
"A guy I work w/just rec'd a taser as a gift from a vanilla girl he just started dating....methinks she's not as vanilla as she seems."
"Nothing like some crop spanking post-Gaga; if only these people knew how to use them properly!!"
"RT @twistedmonk: "nothing says love quite like when you spit expensive bourbon on my freshly made single tail marks..."
And of course if they search through people I follow, they'll come across some very prominent names in the kink community, further unveiling my kink. Maybe this is a good way for me to start letting people know I'm poly as well...
"A guy I work w/just rec'd a taser as a gift from a vanilla girl he just started dating....methinks she's not as vanilla as she seems."
"Nothing like some crop spanking post-Gaga; if only these people knew how to use them properly!!"
"RT @twistedmonk: "nothing says love quite like when you spit expensive bourbon on my freshly made single tail marks..."
And of course if they search through people I follow, they'll come across some very prominent names in the kink community, further unveiling my kink. Maybe this is a good way for me to start letting people know I'm poly as well...
Friday, August 27, 2010
Being Upfront - Part 1
Note: I wrote on a similar subject about a month ago, this post is a more defined idea as to when poly and kink should be disclosed based on a recent experience.
Being poly and kinky, one of my beliefs is that if you're going to date, date ethically. By that I mean if you're out with someone that you believe has different views than yourself (aka monogamous and non-kinky) you must be honest with them as to your beliefs. It's true that there is a fine line here, in response to a friend's question Mistress Matisse said in a blog post that you should disclose you are sex worker to a potential partner on a second date. When single I've always felt similar about when to disclose that I am poly. Disclosing this on a first date has the potential to distort any first impressions that your date may have of you; I've found that once you bring up non-monogamy the conversation inevitably gets focused on that losing any chance to find out whether there's any compatibility between the two of you.
Recently, I had a couple of dates with a young woman, the first one went very well.....drinks, dinner, movie.....typical first date. We really hit it off and had some great conversation. The second date ended up being 2 nights at a lake with a few of my friends, where we ended up drinking and talking long into the night; she was one of the easiest people I've talked to and I think she felt the same way as we both discussed things that aren't typically discussed on a 2nd date and that takes each of us a while to disclose to a partner. Part of these conversations revolved around me being poly and kinky, both had to be explained in detail to her and she no experience with either; however she didn't run for the hills but asked questions and seemed genuinely interested in my kinky side (we all know we have one). Another of my personal rules is not to engage in sex without disclosing this information and allowing it to sink in, so I remained ethically in our drunken and naked states (we went skinning dipping). About a week after being back in the city, I received a text from her saying, "she didn't think that she could see us going anywhere relationship wise because we were too different, she thinks." Would it have been nice to see where it could've gone? Of course, but neither of us had our feelings hurt because we were both honest about who we were and I have a feeling we'll continue to be friends.
Now if you're partnered, that's a different story; in my opinion it's a first date discussion. At least that's how I approached it when J and I were together; yes there is compatibility to be determined but from an ethical perspective you're coupled and your date should be made aware of your coupling; yes your dating pool will be significantly reduced and your dates may not last very long (I prefer coffee or drinks as a get to know you first date to have this discussion) but at least you can feel good about yourself and won't leave a trail of pissed of dates in your wake.
I'm still working on the timing of when to bring up just how kinky I am, when I figure it out, you'll have Part II.
Being poly and kinky, one of my beliefs is that if you're going to date, date ethically. By that I mean if you're out with someone that you believe has different views than yourself (aka monogamous and non-kinky) you must be honest with them as to your beliefs. It's true that there is a fine line here, in response to a friend's question Mistress Matisse said in a blog post that you should disclose you are sex worker to a potential partner on a second date. When single I've always felt similar about when to disclose that I am poly. Disclosing this on a first date has the potential to distort any first impressions that your date may have of you; I've found that once you bring up non-monogamy the conversation inevitably gets focused on that losing any chance to find out whether there's any compatibility between the two of you.
Recently, I had a couple of dates with a young woman, the first one went very well.....drinks, dinner, movie.....typical first date. We really hit it off and had some great conversation. The second date ended up being 2 nights at a lake with a few of my friends, where we ended up drinking and talking long into the night; she was one of the easiest people I've talked to and I think she felt the same way as we both discussed things that aren't typically discussed on a 2nd date and that takes each of us a while to disclose to a partner. Part of these conversations revolved around me being poly and kinky, both had to be explained in detail to her and she no experience with either; however she didn't run for the hills but asked questions and seemed genuinely interested in my kinky side (we all know we have one). Another of my personal rules is not to engage in sex without disclosing this information and allowing it to sink in, so I remained ethically in our drunken and naked states (we went skinning dipping). About a week after being back in the city, I received a text from her saying, "she didn't think that she could see us going anywhere relationship wise because we were too different, she thinks." Would it have been nice to see where it could've gone? Of course, but neither of us had our feelings hurt because we were both honest about who we were and I have a feeling we'll continue to be friends.
Now if you're partnered, that's a different story; in my opinion it's a first date discussion. At least that's how I approached it when J and I were together; yes there is compatibility to be determined but from an ethical perspective you're coupled and your date should be made aware of your coupling; yes your dating pool will be significantly reduced and your dates may not last very long (I prefer coffee or drinks as a get to know you first date to have this discussion) but at least you can feel good about yourself and won't leave a trail of pissed of dates in your wake.
I'm still working on the timing of when to bring up just how kinky I am, when I figure it out, you'll have Part II.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Exploratorium
Last week I was asked to run a restrictive bondage booth at the Libido Lounge's Friday night Exploratorium event. The event allows individuals to sample a selection of kink activities for a 15-minute duration, just enough for them to feel whether it's something that they may be interested in learning more about. This marked my first foray into teaching/demonstrating rope; and was the first time that I brought Blip along as my assistant, a job that she will continue to learn. As newbies, the attendees ran the show and based on a brief discussion with them I devised a quick way to introduce them to rope; for the most part these were very simple breast harnesses, with a couple of variations. While it was an interesting experience it's not the way I typically like to tie, with direction. I had an idea of how I wanted to run my booth, but after a discussion with the owner of Libido Lounge, I realized that what I wanted to do was too advanced (and mean) for the newbies who would be attending; thus I had to turn down my sadistic dial.
My success of the night was being able to change 2 people's minds about rope. They had both previously had bad rope experiences, but through negotiations I was able to determine what didn't work in the past and tailor my approach accordingly; afterwards they both said it'd definitely be something that they'd be willing to try again....woohoo!!
Blip was a good assistant, although sometimes got a little bit too caught up in all the play that was going on around her. One of the things that I've been working on with her is her focus, it's coming but she still has a ways to go. A couple of hours into the event, as a reward I allowed her the sampling of her choice and she choose mummification in saran wrap by one person and flogged by another...luckily I had a gap in attendees near the end of her flogging and had the opportunity to finish the scene. I can't wait until I'm able to put some time into practicing flogging and be able to use my full force, but until then short arming it will have to suffice. Then the issue will be finding someone who can take my full force, especially seeing as I'm not one that enjoys too much warm up....luckily there are a lot of masochists out there....
My success of the night was being able to change 2 people's minds about rope. They had both previously had bad rope experiences, but through negotiations I was able to determine what didn't work in the past and tailor my approach accordingly; afterwards they both said it'd definitely be something that they'd be willing to try again....woohoo!!
Blip was a good assistant, although sometimes got a little bit too caught up in all the play that was going on around her. One of the things that I've been working on with her is her focus, it's coming but she still has a ways to go. A couple of hours into the event, as a reward I allowed her the sampling of her choice and she choose mummification in saran wrap by one person and flogged by another...luckily I had a gap in attendees near the end of her flogging and had the opportunity to finish the scene. I can't wait until I'm able to put some time into practicing flogging and be able to use my full force, but until then short arming it will have to suffice. Then the issue will be finding someone who can take my full force, especially seeing as I'm not one that enjoys too much warm up....luckily there are a lot of masochists out there....
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Contracts
Every month (well I started last month but will continue to attend - so really only 2 months so far....but I digress) I'm attending a Master/slave discussion group. I'm not looking for, nor do I have a slave, however as a Dominant many of the concepts are transferable to the Dominant/submissive relationship so I will continue to attend. Last night's topic was contracts - a written agreement between the Master and slave outlining what is expected of each in their relationship; they also typically outline how long the slave with serve the Master.
Contracts are not something I believe in. It's a static document and a relationship should be fluid no matter how it's structured. Furthermore, a good Master/Dominant should be able to train their slave/submissive in such a way that there is no need for a contract as all actions have been learned and none are open to one partner's interpretation. I think that a Master could very easily fall prey to relying on the contract too much and fail to see a change in the slave. This could very easily lead to relationship problems as open communication is not facilitated. Yes, methods of communication can be written into a contract, however there's still the chance that it's not deemed to be as open or free as a result of the contract's language. If you're living with your slave/submissive a cohabitation agreement is probably a good idea, especially if the Master looks after the financial side of the relationship as you'd want to make sure your slave was looked after if something happened, but this is very much different than a M/s contract.
Something else that you have to understand about contracts is that they will not stand up in court, as one person cannot legally give away their rights to another. If they verbally say that they no longer want to be a part of the relationship then they no longer are, whatever is written into a M/s contract carries no weight in the court room. The only weight it would carry would be based on the commitment that each party has to each other and you don't need a contract to create that commitment.
I feel that if you are able to remain in regular contact with you slave/submissive and you are an individual who has the ability to understand and notice changes in behaviour then you will be able to ensure that the relationship stays on the path that you both want it to be. This brings us back to this concept of communication; which is not only key to this type of relationship but any relationship. I think I'm a good communicator (or at least have been told that I am), but even so I've made sure to let any partner know that if I'm not communicating properly make me aware of it, so that I can make adjustments as none of us are infallible. Contracts are too rigid and can often be open to interpretation; me I prefer the direct approach.
Contracts are not something I believe in. It's a static document and a relationship should be fluid no matter how it's structured. Furthermore, a good Master/Dominant should be able to train their slave/submissive in such a way that there is no need for a contract as all actions have been learned and none are open to one partner's interpretation. I think that a Master could very easily fall prey to relying on the contract too much and fail to see a change in the slave. This could very easily lead to relationship problems as open communication is not facilitated. Yes, methods of communication can be written into a contract, however there's still the chance that it's not deemed to be as open or free as a result of the contract's language. If you're living with your slave/submissive a cohabitation agreement is probably a good idea, especially if the Master looks after the financial side of the relationship as you'd want to make sure your slave was looked after if something happened, but this is very much different than a M/s contract.
Something else that you have to understand about contracts is that they will not stand up in court, as one person cannot legally give away their rights to another. If they verbally say that they no longer want to be a part of the relationship then they no longer are, whatever is written into a M/s contract carries no weight in the court room. The only weight it would carry would be based on the commitment that each party has to each other and you don't need a contract to create that commitment.
I feel that if you are able to remain in regular contact with you slave/submissive and you are an individual who has the ability to understand and notice changes in behaviour then you will be able to ensure that the relationship stays on the path that you both want it to be. This brings us back to this concept of communication; which is not only key to this type of relationship but any relationship. I think I'm a good communicator (or at least have been told that I am), but even so I've made sure to let any partner know that if I'm not communicating properly make me aware of it, so that I can make adjustments as none of us are infallible. Contracts are too rigid and can often be open to interpretation; me I prefer the direct approach.
Monday, August 16, 2010
What it means to be poly
This past weekend I was lucky enough to be invited to Twisted Monk's 40th birthday bash and Abbey party and what a party it was. It had an 80's theme and the costumes ranged from George Michael to Devo to Adam Ant (Monk himself) to all variations of Madonna, with Mistress Matisse dressed 'Like a Virgin' - check out her Twitter feed for a picture; in my opinion the costume of the night, but I've always had a thing for Madonna. At one point as I was sipping a blissfully tasteful glass of Stagg, I looked around the room and saw....try and stay with me....Max single tailing one of his partner's L, as G, one of L's partners, watched. Next to G were Monk and Matisse, Max's partner, with arms intertwined enjoying the show, as Monk's wife was engaged in a conversation with a group of people nearby. On the other side of the room, were 2 of A's partners (all in all there were 4 of us in the room) having a conversation and as I stood there watching everyone thoroughly enjoying themselves all I could think was how great it was to be poly.
Everyone was smiling and having a fantastic time, no animosity, no drama; just a bunch of people that truly cared for one another enjoying themselves and the fact that their partners were having fun, no matter who that was with. That's the true essence of compersion, defined as a state of empathetic happiness and joy experienced when an individual's romantic partner experiences happiness and joy through an outside source, including, but not limited to, another romantic interest. This can be experienced as any form of erotic or emotional empathy, depending on the person experiencing the emotion (Wikipedia). Do I think I'm more evolved than people who can't grasp this feeling? No, of course not. I can remember a time when I would get jealous of J having a conversation with another guy. Yes it took a while for me to change and be able to appreciate that another person could add something to her life and in doing so increase her happiness. I also realized that J wanted to be with me and if she didn't then she wouldn't, which was key to me understanding that I no longer had to fear losing her in that way, which reduced and eventually eliminated my feelings of jealousy.
To me poly is the ability to have your own and your partner's happiness enhanced by other people. Can that happen non-romantically? Of course it can, but there is a certain intimacy that can only be found through a more romantic relationship with someone and I've found that this allows that happiness to grow even further. When I can see the joy that A has in the fact that she will soon be collared, how can I not be happy for her? Luckily her dominant doesn't want the collaring to affect her other relationships, but even if it did, the joy she projects would be worth it. I want people that I care about to be happy, with or without me in their lives.
Will I always be poly? I don't know, I can't predict who I'll meet or where their beliefs will fall, but I see being open as being open to all types of relationships. The one thing I do know, is that given what I've seen and experienced it would take a very special person to make me want to be 100% monogamous again.
Everyone was smiling and having a fantastic time, no animosity, no drama; just a bunch of people that truly cared for one another enjoying themselves and the fact that their partners were having fun, no matter who that was with. That's the true essence of compersion, defined as a state of empathetic happiness and joy experienced when an individual's romantic partner experiences happiness and joy through an outside source, including, but not limited to, another romantic interest. This can be experienced as any form of erotic or emotional empathy, depending on the person experiencing the emotion (Wikipedia). Do I think I'm more evolved than people who can't grasp this feeling? No, of course not. I can remember a time when I would get jealous of J having a conversation with another guy. Yes it took a while for me to change and be able to appreciate that another person could add something to her life and in doing so increase her happiness. I also realized that J wanted to be with me and if she didn't then she wouldn't, which was key to me understanding that I no longer had to fear losing her in that way, which reduced and eventually eliminated my feelings of jealousy.
To me poly is the ability to have your own and your partner's happiness enhanced by other people. Can that happen non-romantically? Of course it can, but there is a certain intimacy that can only be found through a more romantic relationship with someone and I've found that this allows that happiness to grow even further. When I can see the joy that A has in the fact that she will soon be collared, how can I not be happy for her? Luckily her dominant doesn't want the collaring to affect her other relationships, but even if it did, the joy she projects would be worth it. I want people that I care about to be happy, with or without me in their lives.
Will I always be poly? I don't know, I can't predict who I'll meet or where their beliefs will fall, but I see being open as being open to all types of relationships. The one thing I do know, is that given what I've seen and experienced it would take a very special person to make me want to be 100% monogamous again.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Goals
After a long hiatus I'm back. I've had 3 out of town bachelor parties on 3 consecutive weekends and am off to a wonderfully kinky birthday party this weekend (and yes I'm uber-excited about it....shhh it's a secret!) and before all of that I was on my 2-week road trip through the Western US. So my time has been spent either at these engagements or working furiously when I've been in town; however as of next week (as both the summer and my insane schedule come to a close) I'm recommitting to writing here as very interesting things have been happening in my world, both kinky and vanilla, so my goal (and saying it here is as good as of a commitment as any I can think of) is to write at least 3 times a week; I know I have enough material for it, it's just finding the time to sit down and do it, hopefully this will provide the needed motivation.
And since I'm on the topic of goals and in the mindset that putting font to screen helps commit me to them. I'm also recommitting to jogging at least 4 times a week, which coupled with doing yoga 5 times a week, should provide enough activity to burn off some of these calories that have accumulated over a 5-day and 2 3-day drinking binges for friends' bachelor parties, oh what we do to our livers in order to send off our male friends with fond memories of single-hood. See you next week!!
And since I'm on the topic of goals and in the mindset that putting font to screen helps commit me to them. I'm also recommitting to jogging at least 4 times a week, which coupled with doing yoga 5 times a week, should provide enough activity to burn off some of these calories that have accumulated over a 5-day and 2 3-day drinking binges for friends' bachelor parties, oh what we do to our livers in order to send off our male friends with fond memories of single-hood. See you next week!!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
When to break the news...
An article that Mistress Matisse wrote for her Strange column today about poly people dating monogamous people got me thinking about when is the right time to tell someone you're poly and/or kinky. Ethically, I feel that you should tell someone as soon as possible before either party gets too emotionally invested in the other, however in practice this ends up being more difficult than it appears.
One girl I told after a couple of weeks of seeing her exploded and said that her whole opinion of me changed and we haven't seen each other since, while another said she enjoyed my company but had no interest in non-monogamy or kink and didn't want to hear about anything I did related to either. We continued to see each other for a few weeks, but eventually the relationship ran its course. I have only once brought up the poly conversation on a first date and this was when I was still with J, the woman was fine with it and we saw each other a couple of times, but nothing really transpired until after J and I broke up and then only briefly.
As with most things it really depends on the type of person that you are disclosing your lifestyle to, however I think if the relationship is going to work for better or for worse, honestly is the best policy and you should discuss your poly beliefs within the first couple of dates.
What about kink? Outside of people I've met at kink events, my interest in kink is not known by many people I meet for the first time. The other night I had a bunch of people I recently met over and spent 10 minutes running around hiding toys and books, as I was sure (and rightly so) that there'd be snooping. I'm generally pretty matter of fact about my kink, however if it's a young lady that I may be interested in having as a partner I feel like I should bring her along slowly, but am I really going to hide all my toys and books every time I see her? That just doesn't seem practical. And while, I am able to have sexual relations with someone without kink involved I think from an ethical perspective full disclosure again is the only way to go. Either that or I should just stop dating people that I think are vanilla, which is no fun as it severely limits your dating pool, especially in Vancouver.
The question comes to me with everyone I meet and it's one of those things that I have to get used to being both poly and kinky; as with most things in life...it's a work in progress.
One girl I told after a couple of weeks of seeing her exploded and said that her whole opinion of me changed and we haven't seen each other since, while another said she enjoyed my company but had no interest in non-monogamy or kink and didn't want to hear about anything I did related to either. We continued to see each other for a few weeks, but eventually the relationship ran its course. I have only once brought up the poly conversation on a first date and this was when I was still with J, the woman was fine with it and we saw each other a couple of times, but nothing really transpired until after J and I broke up and then only briefly.
As with most things it really depends on the type of person that you are disclosing your lifestyle to, however I think if the relationship is going to work for better or for worse, honestly is the best policy and you should discuss your poly beliefs within the first couple of dates.
What about kink? Outside of people I've met at kink events, my interest in kink is not known by many people I meet for the first time. The other night I had a bunch of people I recently met over and spent 10 minutes running around hiding toys and books, as I was sure (and rightly so) that there'd be snooping. I'm generally pretty matter of fact about my kink, however if it's a young lady that I may be interested in having as a partner I feel like I should bring her along slowly, but am I really going to hide all my toys and books every time I see her? That just doesn't seem practical. And while, I am able to have sexual relations with someone without kink involved I think from an ethical perspective full disclosure again is the only way to go. Either that or I should just stop dating people that I think are vanilla, which is no fun as it severely limits your dating pool, especially in Vancouver.
The question comes to me with everyone I meet and it's one of those things that I have to get used to being both poly and kinky; as with most things in life...it's a work in progress.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Things I Miss
Things I miss:
- Getting a hug before I leave for work
- Not having to grocery shop alone
- Coming home to the sounds of music and smell of baking
- The smell of the person you love
- Walking the dog
- Cooking dinner for more than one
- Having someone to share awkward situations with
This was a list I made almost 3 months ago now. I've tried and on occasion have successfully satisfied one or two of these misses in a given week (sometimes even in a day!) but have been unable to fulfill them all on a regular (or somewhat regular) basis. I still have my side of the bed and since I don't move very much while asleep the other side is always untouched. The condo is quiet when I arrive home and always smells the same. The only item that I can consistently satisfy is cooking for more than one person because....well....everyone likes a free meal and to be cooked for on occasion.
My nostalgia and sense of loss has grown the last day or two, I think brought on by my having dinner with some old friends last night, who discuss things I have no interest in discussing and want things that I have no interest in wanting. The lack of an outlet to voice a mutual disinterest makes me uninterested in making an attempt to continue the conversation, knowing I'm the only one that's uncomfortable in the setting. I'm not the type of person who will feign interest, so I left the meal before I burst at the seams with my honesty. The perspective it gave me was haunting....
- Getting a hug before I leave for work
- Not having to grocery shop alone
- Coming home to the sounds of music and smell of baking
- The smell of the person you love
- Walking the dog
- Cooking dinner for more than one
- Having someone to share awkward situations with
This was a list I made almost 3 months ago now. I've tried and on occasion have successfully satisfied one or two of these misses in a given week (sometimes even in a day!) but have been unable to fulfill them all on a regular (or somewhat regular) basis. I still have my side of the bed and since I don't move very much while asleep the other side is always untouched. The condo is quiet when I arrive home and always smells the same. The only item that I can consistently satisfy is cooking for more than one person because....well....everyone likes a free meal and to be cooked for on occasion.
My nostalgia and sense of loss has grown the last day or two, I think brought on by my having dinner with some old friends last night, who discuss things I have no interest in discussing and want things that I have no interest in wanting. The lack of an outlet to voice a mutual disinterest makes me uninterested in making an attempt to continue the conversation, knowing I'm the only one that's uncomfortable in the setting. I'm not the type of person who will feign interest, so I left the meal before I burst at the seams with my honesty. The perspective it gave me was haunting....
Monday, July 12, 2010
S/M Tendencies
Over the past couple of weeks I'm beginning to get a much better understanding of where my S/M tendencies lie. J has always called me a masochist because of certain things that I continually do to myself:
- pick scabs until they bleed
- let myself feel my tears when I cry, refusing to wipe them off my face, instead leaving them to stain it
- allow blood to flow until clotting instead of applying pressure and stopping its flow
- avoid cleaning my wounds and/or putting polysporin or bandaids on, making them easier to re-open, taking them longer to heal, and increasing the potential for scarring
These aren't necessarily masochistic tendencies in your typically scope of BDSM, but they are masochistic all the same. I do them because it allows me to feel something, to numb an internal pain. I'm not into bottoming for the purpose of someone inflicting pain on me, as I've yet to really fall into a foggy headspace because of it, rather do it for the experience of feeling what it would feel like if/when I play that way with a bottom. So I don't feel that I'm a typical masochist in the traditional sense, which I would define as a physical one, rather I think that I'm an emotional masochist, which I think is atypical.
On the other hand, I'm definitely a sadist. Both on an emotional and physical level. When I say emotional, I don't mean I like to inflict emotional pain on others, I'm a very sensitive person and dislike inflicting this type of pain, but I do enjoy messing with people's heads. On numerous occasions, A has told me that I'm sadist because I've withheld information from her and I do the same thing with Blip. It's the power it gives you in the relationship that's exciting. As for physical sadism, that's very much me. Flogging, spanking, slapping, rigging, nipple pinching, hair pulling....and so on and so no.....they all get me hard. While they occasionally do, they don't need to lead to a sexual act, the reaction from my bottoms is enough to excite and satisfy me....at least for a while.
How do you define yourself? Sadist? Masochist? Or something in between? It's important to think about; it allows you to better understand what drives you, what makes you happy and ultimately what to pursue. Even if you're not into S/M; it's still something to think about as you'd be surprised at how it can impact your everyday life. The knowledge will only enhance your never-ending journey of self-discovery.
- pick scabs until they bleed
- let myself feel my tears when I cry, refusing to wipe them off my face, instead leaving them to stain it
- allow blood to flow until clotting instead of applying pressure and stopping its flow
- avoid cleaning my wounds and/or putting polysporin or bandaids on, making them easier to re-open, taking them longer to heal, and increasing the potential for scarring
These aren't necessarily masochistic tendencies in your typically scope of BDSM, but they are masochistic all the same. I do them because it allows me to feel something, to numb an internal pain. I'm not into bottoming for the purpose of someone inflicting pain on me, as I've yet to really fall into a foggy headspace because of it, rather do it for the experience of feeling what it would feel like if/when I play that way with a bottom. So I don't feel that I'm a typical masochist in the traditional sense, which I would define as a physical one, rather I think that I'm an emotional masochist, which I think is atypical.
On the other hand, I'm definitely a sadist. Both on an emotional and physical level. When I say emotional, I don't mean I like to inflict emotional pain on others, I'm a very sensitive person and dislike inflicting this type of pain, but I do enjoy messing with people's heads. On numerous occasions, A has told me that I'm sadist because I've withheld information from her and I do the same thing with Blip. It's the power it gives you in the relationship that's exciting. As for physical sadism, that's very much me. Flogging, spanking, slapping, rigging, nipple pinching, hair pulling....and so on and so no.....they all get me hard. While they occasionally do, they don't need to lead to a sexual act, the reaction from my bottoms is enough to excite and satisfy me....at least for a while.
How do you define yourself? Sadist? Masochist? Or something in between? It's important to think about; it allows you to better understand what drives you, what makes you happy and ultimately what to pursue. Even if you're not into S/M; it's still something to think about as you'd be surprised at how it can impact your everyday life. The knowledge will only enhance your never-ending journey of self-discovery.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Out
During my road trip I told pretty much anyone I had a chance to talk to for an extended period of time that I was both poly and kinky; some needed a little bit more explanation about what that means, others knew right away, but the interesting thing was that everyone I told (all of whom were vanilla, at least as far as I'm aware) asked questions and continued the conversation instead of running for the hills. So either I have some amazing friends or it's just not that big of a deal anymore, while I wish the latter were true, I think in this situation the former is the case. However, I think as the world and both sexes evolve there is less and less of a stigma attached to being either poly or kinky.
So with that knowledge in hand, last night I came out to my dad as both poly and kinky....the reaction was, well, what I expected from my dad; complete and utter acceptance. He asked a few questions and thanked me for sharing it with him but that was about it. My decision to come out to him stemmed from him coming out of his shell after 64 years of life, brought on by his recent Caribbean cruise that he went on with a lady that he met 23 years ago when both of them were married, an amazing story to say the least. And I figured that now was as good a time as any, especially as I'm finding my footing more and more in this 'brave new world' as my Dad called it. As a good parent, his only concern was my safety from STIs, which anyone that lives the same life that I do knows are a huge part of being both poly and kinky and is a conversation that happens very near the beginning of any sexual relationship in this lifestyle. I know for me it's something that comes up within the first couple of dates, once I decide a person may be worth seeing more of; it's also an easy way to filter out people that aren't interested in the way we live. Where I live, the number of poly/kinky friends I have are few in number, so it's especially important when meeting vanilla people, as it separates those that are truly vanilla from those that are interested, but have yet to have the opportunity to explore. Yes, sometimes this can blow up in your face, but if you prepare for the worst and are open and honest, you'll be amazed at how often you're surprised.
I'm lucky to have a family as close as I do and one so accepting, I know for a lot of individuals coming out is a huge deal, as most parents are not accepting of the lifestyle that we have chosen to live. While I may be in a unique family situation, I think the way to approach it is the same for everyone. Be confident, be honest, and have faith that your family loves you for you, no matter what life you chose to lead. Your family is your family and they love you unconditionally; I've come to understand that if they understand your reasons for living the life you've chosen to live that they will accept it. The stumbling block is giving them the time to understand those reasons. The other night I was talking to one of my sister's best friends (and yes, vanilla) and told her about Blip and how our dynamic works, what I get out of it and what she gets out of it. To which she replied, "interesting, you see things in movies and such and it always seems degrading, but when you put it that way it's not at all." And this was all over a 10-minute conversation; I was able to express to her how it works and why it works. It also helps that she knows the type of person I am and knows I would never abuse the relationship I'm in, which can be a concern if the D in the D/S relationship is unethical, but that's a discussion for another time.
So with that knowledge in hand, last night I came out to my dad as both poly and kinky....the reaction was, well, what I expected from my dad; complete and utter acceptance. He asked a few questions and thanked me for sharing it with him but that was about it. My decision to come out to him stemmed from him coming out of his shell after 64 years of life, brought on by his recent Caribbean cruise that he went on with a lady that he met 23 years ago when both of them were married, an amazing story to say the least. And I figured that now was as good a time as any, especially as I'm finding my footing more and more in this 'brave new world' as my Dad called it. As a good parent, his only concern was my safety from STIs, which anyone that lives the same life that I do knows are a huge part of being both poly and kinky and is a conversation that happens very near the beginning of any sexual relationship in this lifestyle. I know for me it's something that comes up within the first couple of dates, once I decide a person may be worth seeing more of; it's also an easy way to filter out people that aren't interested in the way we live. Where I live, the number of poly/kinky friends I have are few in number, so it's especially important when meeting vanilla people, as it separates those that are truly vanilla from those that are interested, but have yet to have the opportunity to explore. Yes, sometimes this can blow up in your face, but if you prepare for the worst and are open and honest, you'll be amazed at how often you're surprised.
I'm lucky to have a family as close as I do and one so accepting, I know for a lot of individuals coming out is a huge deal, as most parents are not accepting of the lifestyle that we have chosen to live. While I may be in a unique family situation, I think the way to approach it is the same for everyone. Be confident, be honest, and have faith that your family loves you for you, no matter what life you chose to lead. Your family is your family and they love you unconditionally; I've come to understand that if they understand your reasons for living the life you've chosen to live that they will accept it. The stumbling block is giving them the time to understand those reasons. The other night I was talking to one of my sister's best friends (and yes, vanilla) and told her about Blip and how our dynamic works, what I get out of it and what she gets out of it. To which she replied, "interesting, you see things in movies and such and it always seems degrading, but when you put it that way it's not at all." And this was all over a 10-minute conversation; I was able to express to her how it works and why it works. It also helps that she knows the type of person I am and knows I would never abuse the relationship I'm in, which can be a concern if the D in the D/S relationship is unethical, but that's a discussion for another time.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Home Sweet Home?
I'm back from my 5,600km, 14-day marathon road trip through the US. Met some interesting people and had a chance to think about things that needed to be thought about, something that I think I should do more of. The interesting thing about this trip was that this was the first time in a long time that I didn't want to come home. Over the last number of years, I've always looked forward to coming home when I've been off on my own, but I didn't want to nor did I feel the need to. It was as if I could've stayed traveling until I got tired of it, probably because for the first time in a long time I had nothing to come home to. Sure my family is here, but we've been all over the map and don't see each other often and I know I could keep connected with them wherever I was. And yes I do have close friends, but I've been drifting further and further apart from them as my life has become more entrenched in both poly and kink, which they don't understand. Of course there's my job, but I was able to keep up with what I needed to keep up with while on the road taking an hour here or there to answer emails or look at proposals and I know I could do that wherever I was in the world. Needless to say it was an interesting feeling and one I'm not sure that I fully understand yet. I know why I felt the feeling, but I'm just not sure what to do with it yet.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
A walk
Strolling through the gate
As if on a cloud
An air of difference and beauty
Increasing her intrigue
Matched only by knowing the beauty inside
Altering a life 6 years ago today
As if on a cloud
An air of difference and beauty
Increasing her intrigue
Matched only by knowing the beauty inside
Altering a life 6 years ago today
Monday, June 28, 2010
Mr S
A picture of me is now the desktop for a pretty gay boy who works at Mr S Leather; or at least that's what he said he wanted my picture for. After he spent a good 45 minutes fondling my bits while fitting me for a cock and ball ring and attaching behind the back cuffs to my balls, he asked if he could take a picture of me from the chest up for his desktop. While at some point in my life I'm sure I'll have a sexual encounter with a man because I think any experience is worth trying, I consider myself 100% straight (if I were bi, I'm pretty sure our new friend would've followed us back to our hotel room). But since I made both his and A's day, it was worth it (she has a really big thing for pretty gay boys). A was so excited that when my hands were bound behind my back, she dropped to her knees and started giving me head in the dressing room, only to be interrupted by the employee and the owner of Mr S who came to see, "the pretty straight boy bound by his balls." Apparently that is a rarity at Mr S.
All told we spent about 5 hours at Mr S over the course of 2 days, I spent way too much money, but am bringing home some lovely new toys that I'm sure will leave some fantastic bruises on Blip....I'm only mildly sadistic. We also got to play dress-up with A, who spent the better part of 2 hours in Mrs S Leather getting decked out in leather and latex and did she ever look amazing. So much so that when we showed the pictures of her to our new friend, he showed the owner who said there may be an opportunity for her to come back and do some modelling for the Madame S website....I may have also been asked to have more pictures taken of me, which may or may not have been for their website.....
We also had some great food, did some sightseeing, and took in the SF Pride Parade (see pics below). The only stumbling point of the weekend was a flat tire as we tried to leave SF, maybe something was trying to tell us to stay longer, who knows?
All told we spent about 5 hours at Mr S over the course of 2 days, I spent way too much money, but am bringing home some lovely new toys that I'm sure will leave some fantastic bruises on Blip....I'm only mildly sadistic. We also got to play dress-up with A, who spent the better part of 2 hours in Mrs S Leather getting decked out in leather and latex and did she ever look amazing. So much so that when we showed the pictures of her to our new friend, he showed the owner who said there may be an opportunity for her to come back and do some modelling for the Madame S website....I may have also been asked to have more pictures taken of me, which may or may not have been for their website.....
We also had some great food, did some sightseeing, and took in the SF Pride Parade (see pics below). The only stumbling point of the weekend was a flat tire as we tried to leave SF, maybe something was trying to tell us to stay longer, who knows?
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Road Trip!!
I'm about to embark on another adventure. This one will take me south into the US; beginning tomorrow with a 3-hour private rope lesson with Max. I'm also going to be making a stop in San Francisco to do some kink related shopping and possibly take in the sights or their Pride parade this weekend. I'm not sure where else my trip will take me, but that's half the fun. I'm not sure when or if I'll be able to write for the next couple of weeks but I'll do my best.
On another note I spent almost 2 whole days with Blip this past weekend as her dominant, it was a very rewarding experience for both of us; but I realized how tiring it is to be dominant for an extended period of time....I was completely drained come Monday. It gives me a whole new respect for individuals in D/S relationships that are 24/7. I'm really enjoying exploring this avenue of my life and look forward to what it can bring me and how I can help Blip grow.
On another note I spent almost 2 whole days with Blip this past weekend as her dominant, it was a very rewarding experience for both of us; but I realized how tiring it is to be dominant for an extended period of time....I was completely drained come Monday. It gives me a whole new respect for individuals in D/S relationships that are 24/7. I'm really enjoying exploring this avenue of my life and look forward to what it can bring me and how I can help Blip grow.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
People in my life
Over the past couple of months, I've started to develop relationships with people both in and out of the kink community and I figured it'd be a good idea to recap those that I talk about the most as they are part of my growth as an individual both in and out of the kink community.
J - my ex-partner who I discovered poly and kink with. I still consider her my best friend and the one person that I can talk to about anything in the world. At the moment it's still difficult for both of us to spend time with each other as it usually ends in tears for one or both of us. But she's the woman that I will always envision my future with, even though my belief that there will ever be a chance for us again is gone.
Z - J's secondary while we were open. Just recently she told me that she is seeing him, while I know she didn't leave me for him I know he had an impact on our relationship, especially near the end; however all that matters to me is that she's happy.
A - My practice partner in Seattle. Our relationship is developing and neither of us have defined what it is or where it'll go but have put aside time and space to care for each other and see what happens. I'm off next week on a US road trip and she'll accompany me on part of it - from Sacramento (where she's spending the summer) to SF
Max - My bondage instructor and someone who I feel that I can learn a great deal from as I progress in the kink community. I see him as an informal mentor both in rope and in my kinky life, which is becoming more and more a part of my everyday life.
C - Was a vanilla girl I saw for a little while, we floated apart pretty quickly as I became more involved in the kink community and I realized it was something that she would never be interested in.
S - Another vanilla girl I dated for a while, she knew about my poly beliefs and kink lifestyle and still stuck around for a while, even though she saw rope bondage, "As something you'd do if you wanted to kidnap and kill someone." She knew that she wasn't the girl for me, but the short time we were together I left the impact on her life that I wanted to showing her that men can be decent and aren't always trying to get into her pants. We will continue to be friends, even though she doesn't want to hear about my kinky lifestyle.
Blip - My sub in my D/S relationship that recently began. Met her at a Vancouver play party, Rascal's, and I've been developing her as my submissive. It's a new experience for both of us and will be a very good learning experience.
H - A 19 year-old vanilla girl I've recently started dating. Only been out with her a couple of times and have yet to tell her about my poly/kinky beliefs but if she's still interested in me after I get back from my US road trip I will have the discussion with her, which I always find is an interesting conversation to have with people who are vanilla as it can bring out very intriguing reactions.
I think that's all for now. Enjoy the weekend!!
J - my ex-partner who I discovered poly and kink with. I still consider her my best friend and the one person that I can talk to about anything in the world. At the moment it's still difficult for both of us to spend time with each other as it usually ends in tears for one or both of us. But she's the woman that I will always envision my future with, even though my belief that there will ever be a chance for us again is gone.
Z - J's secondary while we were open. Just recently she told me that she is seeing him, while I know she didn't leave me for him I know he had an impact on our relationship, especially near the end; however all that matters to me is that she's happy.
A - My practice partner in Seattle. Our relationship is developing and neither of us have defined what it is or where it'll go but have put aside time and space to care for each other and see what happens. I'm off next week on a US road trip and she'll accompany me on part of it - from Sacramento (where she's spending the summer) to SF
Max - My bondage instructor and someone who I feel that I can learn a great deal from as I progress in the kink community. I see him as an informal mentor both in rope and in my kinky life, which is becoming more and more a part of my everyday life.
C - Was a vanilla girl I saw for a little while, we floated apart pretty quickly as I became more involved in the kink community and I realized it was something that she would never be interested in.
S - Another vanilla girl I dated for a while, she knew about my poly beliefs and kink lifestyle and still stuck around for a while, even though she saw rope bondage, "As something you'd do if you wanted to kidnap and kill someone." She knew that she wasn't the girl for me, but the short time we were together I left the impact on her life that I wanted to showing her that men can be decent and aren't always trying to get into her pants. We will continue to be friends, even though she doesn't want to hear about my kinky lifestyle.
Blip - My sub in my D/S relationship that recently began. Met her at a Vancouver play party, Rascal's, and I've been developing her as my submissive. It's a new experience for both of us and will be a very good learning experience.
H - A 19 year-old vanilla girl I've recently started dating. Only been out with her a couple of times and have yet to tell her about my poly/kinky beliefs but if she's still interested in me after I get back from my US road trip I will have the discussion with her, which I always find is an interesting conversation to have with people who are vanilla as it can bring out very intriguing reactions.
I think that's all for now. Enjoy the weekend!!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Another Membership
After attending their fire play class and Dungeon Party last night, today I became a member of the Libido Lounge. From an educational and sex positive perspective I think the Lounge is doing it right. Jennifer, the owner of Lounge, is a great educator and knows what she is talking about and I think that many of the classes that she offers will be valuable. However, I'm not sure how many of the Lounge's play parties I will attend, while I'm all for being sex positive, the Lounge offers masturbation parties, sensual massage and speed dating nights, and things of that ilk, which aren't really the sort of things that I'm looking for, however occasionally they host bondage and dungeon nights as well as classes that will be beneficial such as play party etiquette.
I really respected the fact that at the dungeon party they did not serve alcohol; which was one of the things that irked me about the Rascal's party I went to about a month ago, to me it's a safety thing. I did feel that there was a lack of suspension space, however I heard a rumour that a local carpenter is planning on putting up 3 suspension rings within the next month, which given the warehouse height ceilings in the Lounge should be a lot of fun.
I really respected the fact that at the dungeon party they did not serve alcohol; which was one of the things that irked me about the Rascal's party I went to about a month ago, to me it's a safety thing. I did feel that there was a lack of suspension space, however I heard a rumour that a local carpenter is planning on putting up 3 suspension rings within the next month, which given the warehouse height ceilings in the Lounge should be a lot of fun.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Education
As I come to understand the Vancouver kink scene more and more, I notice things I think can be improved. As a result I'm beginning to inject myself into the community on a more regular basis; now I'm by no means an expert, far from it, but when I see the way things are run in Seattle compared to the ways things operate in Vancouver; there is a marked discrepancy.
For example, safe words. I've been talking to Blip (who I'm continuing to develop as a sub) and she said that at play parties they use the safe word "Red" to end a scene. In effect the top will continue to ramp up the intensity until the bottom says Red, at which point the top will end the scene and express their pleasure that the bottom was able to use the safe word and tell them when the scene should end. The way I've always understood safe words is to use them when the intensity becomes too much or something is feeling off, at which point the top changes the way they are doing things and the scene continues until they decide to end it. In my opinion, 1) a good top should be able to understand their bottom, 2) not allow the scene to get to the point of the bottom having to use their safe word and 3) the top should end the scene when they feel that their bottom has had enough. There also seems to be a debate about who controls a scene and it is the opinion of most that the bottom controls the scene, which given the use of safe words here makes sense.
There is also a fracture of groups in Vancouver. Metro Vancouver Kink, Rascal's, Libido Lounge and SinCity; each of which have their own play party night (typically one per month) and each operate differently. Libido Lounge seems to be the most organized and educational, however I will reserve my opinion until after this weekend as I'm attending a fire play class tonight and their member orientation tomorrow. I'm not attending their play party this evening as they have a dress code rule, which I'm pretty opposed to. If I'm going to dress up in fetish wear, I'm going to do it because I feel like it and not because it's dictated by event organizers. As you might guess, I don't see myself ever attending a SinCity party because...well...it's a fetish event.
So how am I going to inject myself and help the Vancouver community? Well I can assure you it's not going to be something that happens quickly, given my education level. While first, I'm going to try and spend more time in Seattle (thank-you Nexus pass) as the CSPC has some great classes and I've been lucky enough to meet some amazing people there I think I will be able to learn from. Secondly, at the suggestion of Max I have a plan to attend some kink conferences throughout the US over the next year or so. I'd love to be starting with Thunder in the Mountains in July, however I have a end of the year softball tournament that I've already committed to. So unless I decide to go camping for Paradise Unbound, my first conference will probably be Folsom Street Fringe in September; which I hope to volunteer for and attend. It will also allow me to go to the Folsom Street Fair, which should be a very cool experience.
So my eduction will be ongoing, but it's something that I seem to enjoy and that aligns with what makes me happy, giving myself to others and making a difference in their lives. I've really begun this with Blip and through getting to know her I know that I can help her grow and flourish as an individual and while it's a learning experience for me, I have some fantastic resources available to me, I just have to use and cultivate them.
For example, safe words. I've been talking to Blip (who I'm continuing to develop as a sub) and she said that at play parties they use the safe word "Red" to end a scene. In effect the top will continue to ramp up the intensity until the bottom says Red, at which point the top will end the scene and express their pleasure that the bottom was able to use the safe word and tell them when the scene should end. The way I've always understood safe words is to use them when the intensity becomes too much or something is feeling off, at which point the top changes the way they are doing things and the scene continues until they decide to end it. In my opinion, 1) a good top should be able to understand their bottom, 2) not allow the scene to get to the point of the bottom having to use their safe word and 3) the top should end the scene when they feel that their bottom has had enough. There also seems to be a debate about who controls a scene and it is the opinion of most that the bottom controls the scene, which given the use of safe words here makes sense.
There is also a fracture of groups in Vancouver. Metro Vancouver Kink, Rascal's, Libido Lounge and SinCity; each of which have their own play party night (typically one per month) and each operate differently. Libido Lounge seems to be the most organized and educational, however I will reserve my opinion until after this weekend as I'm attending a fire play class tonight and their member orientation tomorrow. I'm not attending their play party this evening as they have a dress code rule, which I'm pretty opposed to. If I'm going to dress up in fetish wear, I'm going to do it because I feel like it and not because it's dictated by event organizers. As you might guess, I don't see myself ever attending a SinCity party because...well...it's a fetish event.
So how am I going to inject myself and help the Vancouver community? Well I can assure you it's not going to be something that happens quickly, given my education level. While first, I'm going to try and spend more time in Seattle (thank-you Nexus pass) as the CSPC has some great classes and I've been lucky enough to meet some amazing people there I think I will be able to learn from. Secondly, at the suggestion of Max I have a plan to attend some kink conferences throughout the US over the next year or so. I'd love to be starting with Thunder in the Mountains in July, however I have a end of the year softball tournament that I've already committed to. So unless I decide to go camping for Paradise Unbound, my first conference will probably be Folsom Street Fringe in September; which I hope to volunteer for and attend. It will also allow me to go to the Folsom Street Fair, which should be a very cool experience.
So my eduction will be ongoing, but it's something that I seem to enjoy and that aligns with what makes me happy, giving myself to others and making a difference in their lives. I've really begun this with Blip and through getting to know her I know that I can help her grow and flourish as an individual and while it's a learning experience for me, I have some fantastic resources available to me, I just have to use and cultivate them.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Brain Drain
It's been a while since I posted, so I just wanted to say I'm still alive, but barely. I had an exam Monday night and have been recovering from some sort of cold or infection since returning from Seattle Sunday...my lymph nodes feel like they are the size of golf balls; this is only a short post as my brain does not want to cooperate right now, but I have some things that I've taken away from my time in Seattle and I feel the need to discuss them at least when my head behaves....
Friday, June 4, 2010
Newest CSPC Member....Me!!!
Today I joined the CSPC, so that I can attend events without having to be taken as a guest.....and for my first event I attended the Grind, a weekly Thursday evening event where all 3 rooms were in use. I got to see some beautiful dancing in the main play space; in the Raw space I saw the best flogging scene I've ever seen between 2 rock star tops Nathan and Russell, who are taking turns this week bottoming to each other with Russell going on Thursday and Nathan getting his retribution on Saturday, Nathan left with 5 bandaids and some lovely bruising; and in the Annex I saw A do her first public suspension and Mark Dv8 suspend Lani aka Fly Girl, who turned, spun, and flipped and was both gorgeous and unbelievable in her performance....strangely enough I thought that I good do some of the movements she did given my flexibility.
Seeing these people perform and scene makes me crave that in Vancouver...I feel like I want to learn and bring what I see in Seattle home. I need to practice my ties and flogging. If I get the right flogging equipment I can practice by myself, but I still need to find someone to practice rope with and i think I'm going to train Blip, a very subby girl I met at Rascals, how to be tied up...I know I can get her into a foggy headspace really quickly and maybe I can translate that into making her a rope slut, I know she likes suspension....so we'll see about the rest, hopefully it's only a matter of time. I'd love to get experienced enough to teach in Vancouver and show people what is available to them, because there is such a disparity between the Seattle and Vancouver Scenes.....
Seeing these people perform and scene makes me crave that in Vancouver...I feel like I want to learn and bring what I see in Seattle home. I need to practice my ties and flogging. If I get the right flogging equipment I can practice by myself, but I still need to find someone to practice rope with and i think I'm going to train Blip, a very subby girl I met at Rascals, how to be tied up...I know I can get her into a foggy headspace really quickly and maybe I can translate that into making her a rope slut, I know she likes suspension....so we'll see about the rest, hopefully it's only a matter of time. I'd love to get experienced enough to teach in Vancouver and show people what is available to them, because there is such a disparity between the Seattle and Vancouver Scenes.....
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